the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The uberlube is also flammable
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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