Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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