yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
its liver damage thursday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
