I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
