Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Bring me that man meat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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