Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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