If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
