That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
