It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
