He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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