Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
