Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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