I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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