You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize