Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
These tits shall not be calmed
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