10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
