omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
