Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
