apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
