The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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