so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
