I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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