Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
