worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He felt like a one man threesome
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
