Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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