So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
