he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
