I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
