Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
