Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
