Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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