Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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