Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
