My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
