Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
