I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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