No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
being pregnant is like rehab
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
