just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
