So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
