the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
