whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
