At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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