I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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