I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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