i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
