Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
