We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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