just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
