I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
