How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
