"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
