Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
