A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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