..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
