Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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