see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
