I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
