i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The air was thick with penises
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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