Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
