Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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