Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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