I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
