Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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