I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
