also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
