spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
