He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
