If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
