God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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