I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
time to smoke my breakfast
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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