I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
