He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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