We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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