i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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