Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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