OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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